If you fart regularly in bed and the wife has thrown you out of the house, then there’s no other option but to divorce her, repossess the house and find a new wife who has a goddamn sense of humor!

Seriously though if this was to happen to me I would not be impressed. I’d probably crap in the car and smear it all into the windows as a form of dirty protest against her.

I’d then start to shovel my own crap through the letterbox and wait until she comes home at night and then run at her with the explicit intention of farting in her general direction until she’s sorry that she ever married me.

If that didn’t work then I’d record myself farting for a month and send her a compilation of my best ones on a cassette tape straight to her door.

I’d win in the end either way.